The Listening Depot

On This American Life this week (episode #370), Ira Glass covered a researcher who was examining the effects that one disruptive person could have on a small group. In almost every scenario examined, one bad apple really could spoil the whole bunch; groups tended to achieve at the level of the least motivated, most disruptive person. In this experiment, the bad apple was an actor planted who expertly feigned mean, slothful, and depressive behavior.

The actor was very successful, ruining the dynamics of nearly every group he was in. He was foiled only once, by a group led by a diplomat’s son. This guy led by listening. When a disruption arose which would have derailed any other group he would defuse it by actively listening to everyone in the group, soliciting everyone’s opinion, making sure everybody was heard, thereby getting the group back on track.

Which led Ira to make this observation: “If that is true, if listening is all that it takes to overcome bad behavior, if listening is more powerful than meanness, sloth or depression, it’s like a trick from a children’s story, a golden-rule kind of lesson that seems way too after-school-special to possibly be true.  By listening to each other, trying to understand each other, we can get to the point where nobody can ruin things for everyone else.“

The StoryCorps project has declared the Friday after Thanksgiving the first annual National Day of Listening.

The National Day of Listening website says, “This holiday season, ask the people around you about their lives — it could be your grandmother, a teacher, or someone from the neighborhood.” The site offers a do-it-yourself kit and other information to help you participate in the project.

The New York Times reported recently on Dr. Harvey Karp’s recipe for active listening for toddlers. I love his approach, which involves putting yourself in the toddler’s space and communicating with them on their terms. “Dr. Karp’s method of toddler communication is not for the self-conscious,” says the Times. “It involves bringing yourself, both mentally and physically, down to a child’s level when he or she is upset. The goal is not to give in to a child’s demands, but to communicate in a child’s own language of ‘toddler-ese.’”

This entails reflecting back to the toddler, in their own language, what they are saying, letting them know that you hear them. Just like the active listening you — you effective communicator, you — use when you communicate with adults. Only you’re saying stuff like, “You want cookie. Want cookie. Want it now. Want it now.” While simultaneously reflecting the child’s expressions and gestures.

I’m going to pitch this approach to all of my friends who have small kids. Mostly because it makes sense and works, but also because watching this new breed of super-parent in action will entertain me to no end.

Karp is the author of the best-selling book, The Happiest Baby on the Block. If you want to see a bit of this, there’s a promo video about Dr. Karp on YouTube (if you have a low tolerance for Dr. Phil and schmaltzy network-TV promos, it’s probably best to skip this one).

Late in the evening at Seacompression 2007, my African drum & dance, roller derby, and Johnny Jetpack worlds all came together.  As Eric Wilson, Philip Seward, Barbara Crummins, and I were putting together some pretty rocking drum-jam grooves in the shadow of Johnny Jetpack’s amazing light installation (which also included some fun with liquid nitrogen a little later on),  a Rat City Rollergirl (Jo Jo Stiletto?) rolled through the crowd of dancers, which included two of my favorite West African dancers, Gonya Loobey and Karen Sloane. It was a nice little moment.

Just got back from helping Nathan set up his latest Johnny Jetpack Propulsion Laboratory installation out at Hangar 30 at Sand Point. He has built a monumental (about 25 feet tall) display that will feature all kinds of cool lighting effects. He’ll also don the Traffic Director Suit and will do some liquid nitrogen effects and who knows what else.

There’s an installation nearby that has given me even more inspiration for next year’s Listening Depot installation at Burning Man. There’s a “Photo Confessional” that you can sit in and snap your own portrait which is then projected on to the wall. It’s highly interactive (come in, put on a costume and/or a hat, take your own pic, watch other people’s pix) and nicely designed. More on this, and maybe some photos, later.

Looks like Seacompression should be quite a fine party. Many huge installations and tons of music.

The Listening Depot is a place to be heard and to lend an ear. While it is sometimes presented as a location-specific installation, the idea can be realized anywhere, anytime - whenever two people get together with the intention of creating a safe, compassionate place for one of them to be fully and deeply heard.

The kind of listening we are interested in always happens in real time and space. While the telephone, the web, and e-mail are great communication tools for some intentions, they are not well suited for the kind of deep, compassionate listening we encourage. Eye contact and other forms of nonverbal communication are crucial to effective listening. All of our installations and events involve actual human beings interacting at the same time and place. While we will list include some resources and articles on this web site, we don’t plan to offer an online or other virtual form of the project.